


Smile For Those Who Can't

by Lonely_Deer



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Help Ray, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, Only Fluff and Angst, Referenced Past Attempted Suicide, Self-Harm, my boys - Freeform, protect him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-16 00:06:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14152341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonely_Deer/pseuds/Lonely_Deer
Summary: Ray is always smiling, happy and kind, and ready to lend a gentle hand to those who need it; but there are days when his world feels like it's crashing around him, and he can't smile like he usually does....So who helps him?





	1. Laughter Is The Best Remedy

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!  
> Also, Ray is my favourite character out of the Legends, and as much as I adore him I really think that the writers should show more of how he isn't just a happy face, and has been through some awful things.  
> I mean, he was captured and tortured by the Darhks, for goodness' sake!
> 
> So yeah.  
> Sorry about this.

Nate was just patrolling the Waverider, thinking over somethings about the latest mission, when he heard a small and soft sobbing noise coming from Ray's quarters.

It was quiet, almost silent, and very easy to miss.

If you weren't Nate, that is.

You see, Nate had been keeping an eye on Ray ever since he was returned from the Darhks (and ever since they'd had their little conversation) because he knew that _something_ was off.

Ray hadn't been getting up as early as he usually did in the mornings, and this was a red flag because A: Ray was always a morning person. Even if everyone knew that today was going to be awful Ray would always smile and give encouraging words.

Sometimes it felt that the Team would just fall apart without Ray there to hold all of their emotions together.

B: It meant that Ray had a lack of determination; and this one was extremely worrying because, if anyone knew Ray, he is probably the most determined guy that you could ever meet.

And that determination often helped the Team get through missions, or just through the day if nothing had come up.

And C: It meant he was exhausted. It meant that Ray was either sleeping even less than he usually did (and his 'sleep schedule' was already unhealthy as it was), or he was just always extremely tired and didn't have the will to get out of bed. And that brought up a few thoughts on mental health that Nate had really hoped he wouldn't associate with Ray.

Nate slowly approached the door, and thought of any other changes he had noticed on his best friend.

He had noticed how Ray had begun talking much, much more than he usually did (before he was kidnapped), but it's always about small pointless things. It's like when someone is desperate to start a conversation, but their mind is pretty much empty. And it's all the time.

This had begun to piss off everyone on the ship, and Ray always had to apologise every time he caught himself talking too much. And that was really depressing to see.

Nate was at the door now, and had to refrain himself from panicking and knocking on the door like a mad man when he heard that the crying was definitely Ray.

Nate knocked three times.

"Hey, buddy, you okay in there?" Nate said, trying to sound as calm as possible.

He got no response.

 _Okay, Nate_. He thought to himself. _Don't panic._

Then he heard an all too quiet gasp from inside the room, like someone desperately gaping for air.

Okay. Now's the time to panic.

Without a second thought he turned into steel and ordered Gideon to open Ray's door, to which she opened the door gladly, and Nate prepared himself to come face to face with a demon trying to kill his best friend.

Only to come face to face with another kind of demon, that was apparently the sight of Ray curled up, sat on the floor leaning against his bed and with his head tucked against his knees.

"Hey, come on buddy, what happened?" Nate spoke gently as he approached the bed and dropped to his knees in front of the shaking form. "come on, Ray, did someone hurt you? Who did this to you? Look at me, what happened?"

But Ray didn't reply to Nate's concerned questions, all he did was curl further in on himself and clamp his hand tightly over his mouth in an attempt to stifle his own distress.

"Hey, hey, hey. None of that." Nate carefully removed the hand from over his friend's mouth, and gently cupped Ray's face in his hands.

Still speaking softly Nate realised that he probably wasn't going to get many answers from Ray while he was in such a state, and decided that he would just comfort him until he had calmed down.

So Nate, whispering calm and comforting things, re-positioned himself and Ray so that the latter was resting snugly against Nate's chest and so that Nate could wrap his arms around Ray in gentle yet protective manner, and so Nate could also run his fingers through Ray's soft hair in a comforting way.

This seemed to have worked, as it only took another two minutes for Ray to have calmed almost completely down, and that meant that Nate could start asking him questions about what happened again. But Nate wasn't going to do that, not at least until he knew that Ray hadn't been physically hurt in anyway.

"Alright, buddy: I need you to tell me, did you get hurt? Look at me, and you don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to, but just tell me if you got hurt and if I can fix it, Okay?"

Nate didn't move from the position they were in when he spoke, instead he just opted to leave them both in comfort. After all, the position they were in felt strangely natural, like they were built to fit together this way. It was nice.

Ray didn't reply at first, instead just listening to the low rumble in Nate's chest as he spoke, and relishing in how safe he felt when wrapped up in Nate's arms. But he decided that he would have to break his silence at some point, and it was probably better sooner than later.

Ray's throat was really sore from the lack of use and the crying, so all he could really offer was a weak "Mhm." In reply.

And Ray could feel the way Nate's heart spiked when he managed to reply.

"Okay" Nate began "so, where did you get hurt then? Or is it more of just a dull ache?" Now, Nate wasn't a doctor, but he could tell when someone was really suffering from exhaustion. And right now, Ray looked ready to fall asleep and just never wake up. That thought frightened Nate, and he subconsciously tightened his arms slightly around Ray's still trembling form.

Ray slightly nuzzled into the hold (most likely due to the tiredness fogging his mind) and spoke quietly in just above a whisper: "I think I-I reopened some stitches wh-when I fell." He stuttered out, and continued to snuggle into the embrace in an attempt to relax Nate when he felt Nate's muscles tensing up.

"Wait, what did you get stitches for? And, how far did you fall?" Nate was so confused, and worried, and-

Oh.

 _Oh_.

"You got those stitches after we all went to our quarters, after you got back from being held by the Darhks... after you got back from being... _tortured._ "

Nate felt sick. He felt really sick.

It had only been five or six days since Ray had been returned, and so much had changed about him.

And yet, even when Ray had come to talk to Nate before, he hadn't noticed the obvious signs of torture and early PTSD forming.

Nate truly was an awful friend.

Not only had he just not noticed Ray's absence, but he also failed to notice that Ray was suffering and in need of comfort.

 _Great_ _going_. A voice in the back of his head sneered. _You_ **_definitely_ **_deserve_ _to_ _be_ _forgiven_ _for_ _that_.

Nate was only brought out of his mental berating when he realised that Ray had become more relaxed against his chest and, as he looked down, Ray had fallen soundly asleep while being held in a warm embrace.

Nate had to stop himself from squealing when he realised what had happened, and he also had to stop himself from freaking out at how _damn_ _cute_ Ray was when he was curled up in Nate's arms, entirely relaxed and fast asleep, and the only noise heard is the soft and quiet sound of his _I-can't-snore-I'm-just-that-freaking-perfect_ breathing.

It was entrancing, seeing Ray so peaceful, and knowing that as long as Nate stayed here with him, it would all be okay.

Then Nate realised something that made getting shot by a Dwarf-star alloy bullet again look _really appealing._

All Ray really wanted in life was someone to say with him. To comfort him, to let him know that he was safe, to let him know that he was remembered.

And it looks like he had to get tortured, ignored and go through literal _hell_ just to get that.

Nate let out a quiet, bitter laugh. Now he knew why Ray always laughed and smiled.

_Laughter truly is the best remedy..._


	2. Laughter Is The Best Remedy (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of chapter one!  
> Also, for the record, if a chapter has a different title it means it's a completely different story.  
> Hope you like it!

_" **Laughter truly is the best remedy..."**_

Nate woke up with a start, and for a brief moment wondered why there was a weight leaning against his chest, when had he fallen asleep,  _and why the hell wasn't he in his room?_

Well, that was until he looked down at Ray (who was still blissfully asleep) and had to stop himself from fanboying at the sight all over again.

But now, Nate realised, he had a different problem.

_What time was it, and how long had he been in here?_

Nate looked at his watch and sighed in relief: It was only one o'clock in the afternoon. That meant he had only been in Ray's room for about half an hour, so he hadn't really missed anything that could have been important.

Hopefully.

But right now Nate didn't care about that. No. All he cared about was Ray and _how much he looked like a freakin' angel while he sleeps! It didn't make sense!_ How could one man be so pure and adorable to the point that it made Nate want to hug him _all_ the time? 

Nate was still internally yelling about how much he adored this literal Angel-on-earth when he noticed a pair of big, brown doe-eyes looking back at him.

 _Shit_.

"Nate? You... okay there buddy? You kinda ah, look like you might pass out there." Ray asked, concern written clearly on his face.

And all Nate could do was smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Great actually."

"Good to know."

"So... Did you sleep well?" Nate asked.

"Yeah. I did actually. Better than I have in a while now." Ray looked at the floor, a bashful and shy look on his face as he spoke those last words.

"Well that's good. I'm glad I could at least help with something..." Nate trailed off, only to remember that Ray had mentioned something about stitches ripping earlier.

"Oh yeah." He said, still being gentle as he spoke (he didn't want to scare Ray off, he was tired of seeing Ray scared of him.) "we should probably go get those stitches you mentioned earlier fixed. Also, you said something about how you fell...?"

Ray looked at Nate with a mix of sadness and panic, and Nate instantly went into 'Protect at all costs' mode.

"No, hey. Don't worry. I was just concerned that you might be really hurt still is all, if you'd prefer to stay here that's fine by me, and it would probably be more comfortable to get you patched up in here anyway."

Ray still didn't look convinced about something, so Nate continued.

"Don't worry, buddy. You're safe with me."

There was silence.

"I know. I just... I-I don't really at the same time, you know? It's that feeling of safety, but also insecurity...?" Ray looked like he was at a complete loss for words, and the look of confusion on his face was just too cute.

"I do know," Nate comforted him "but at the moment I think it would be best if we stitch you back up, and then you sleep for at least another two hours. 'Cause, no offence bud, you look _awful._ Like, adorable but at the same time absolutely shattered."

Ray looked at him confused, brown doe-eyes wide and shining, and said in a quiet voice:

"Wait. You think I'm... adorable?" 

 Nate really had to stop himself from just yelling "YES!" then and there.

"Well yeah, Ray, you're absolutely adorable. People just don't say it because they don't want you becoming too cocky, you know?"

"O-oh. I mean, I guess I understand now. Yeah. But... _how_ am I adorable?" 

 **(Nate's inner thoughts:** ShitshitshitshitshitsomuchtosayhowdoipindownjustonewhatdoisayaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH- **)**

"well," Nate began "you always look out for everyone else's best interests before your own, you're always so innocent it kind of hurts... And yeah, there's a lot of reasons why. Trust me."

"But wasn't the first point just basic human decency?" 

"Yeah, but a lot of people don't have it. So it just makes you cuter."

"If you say so."

Ray looked Nate dead in the eyes, and it almost looked like he was trying to tell if Nate was lying to him or not.

Nate wanted to wrap Ray up in his arms again, and just fall asleep like that once more.

"Alright then buddy, I'm gonna go and get the first aid kit, and you try not to fall asleep while I'm gone, okay?" Nate said as he (begrudgingly) got up from his position on the floor and made his way to the door.

Ray gave a small, tired smile and promised: "I won't."

And Nate left the room with probably the biggest possible smile on his face.

That was until he walked by Sara and Wally who were talking.

"Whoo," Sara wolf-whistled "some one looks like they just got laid." She said with a smirk.

"W-what?" Nate stuttered, taken aback.

"Yeah dude," Wally added "Your hair is a mess and you're smiling like a weirdo."

"I just woke up! I did not, and I repeat did not, have sex."

"Yeah, right. Someone's all touchy on the subject. Let me guess, Amaya, right?" Sara was smiling like a shark, she thought she had won.

Nate nearly gagged.

Yeah, sure he'd had sex with her before, and sure, he did like her. But to him it felt more like... an infatuation rather than love. It was confusing.

"No, Sara. I didn't have sex with anyone. I just woke up from a nap, and apparently I moved around a lot. I'm smiling because I feel happy about today, that's all. No biggie." Nate was telling most of the truth.

Actually, yeah. He was telling the truth; He felt happy about the day because he was going to spend it with Ray, and he had quite literally just woken up from a nap.

 _Suck on that, Sara._ Nate thought to himself proudly.

"If you say so." Sara replied, not looking phased at all.

And so Nate walked away from the pair and continued on until he got to the Med-bay, and picked up the first aid kit.

Then he walked back down to Ray's room, thankfully not walking into anyone else, but he noticed that Ray's door was partially open.

 _Well, that's weird._ Nate mused.

But when he looked in he saw Ray sat in the furthest corner of his bed, singing something quietly to himself.

And it sounded beautiful.

Everyone always complained whenever Ray started singing, and Nate had to admit: the guy wasn't all that great at it. But now Nate realised that was probably because he wasn't trying, or maybe it was something like stage fright.

But now as Nate listened, he found that Ray's singing was angelic. He was singing something that sounded like a lullaby, and the more Nate heard the more he recognised; It was the song that Ray had introduced to him: Je T'aime was the song name, and Nate remembered it to be by someone named Kelly Sweet.

And Nate had thought that the song had sounded beautiful when Kelly was singing it, but the original version couldn't compare to the one he was hearing now.

Nate was so entranced by Ray's siren-song that he forgot that he was actually being really creepy, and he had to compose himself before knocking on Ray's door.

"Hey... Buddy. You, uh... good?" Nate stammered out awkwardly, hoping Ray didn't know that he had been stood by his door for about two minutes.

"Oh-OH! Hi Nate! Um... I'm good?" Ray jumped, obviously caught off guard by the sudden intrusion.

"Good, um, I've got the first aid kit." Nate said as he awkwardly waved the kit around.

"Cool! Uh... you gonna come in or...?" Ray said in an equally awkward tone.

 _Oh boy._ Nate thought. _The awkwardness must be catching._

"S-sure!"  _Well done, Nathaniel._

And so Nate walked into the room, and awkwardly sat on Ray's bed beside his best friend.

"Uhm" Ray started "should I take my top off or...?"

 _**(Nate's inner thoughts-** _ _aAAaaAAAaaGGgggHHHgghh_

_YES! NO! ...SHIT! WHATDOISAY? NOPE. NOT TODAY, GAY THOUGHTS. **)**_

"Well, I mean I'm probably not gonna be able to stitch you back up if I can't see where I need to stitch." Nate laughed awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, right."

And so Ray (carefully) took his shirt off.

And Nate gasped at all the scars and stitched up gashes he saw.

It all looked so painful, and there was barely a patch of skin that wasn't covered in dark bruises, electrical burns and whip lashes, and cuts about the same width of the tip of Nate's index finger.

And it wasn't just all the more recent wounds that made Nate's stomach twist; there were scars that looked several years old, and a few that were faint yet wide enough to make it look like Ray had suffered through some traumatic childhood memory.

And for all Nate knew, Ray probably had.

"R-Ray. I'm... I'm so sorry. I didn't..." Nate was at a loss of what to say and do; his best friend (who he wishes was more than that) was literally sat in front of him, bearing all of their scars and horrible memories that time alone wouldn't heal. How was he supposed to fix that? How was he supposed to fix Ray?

"Don't worry, Nate. some of those scars are too old for me to worry about them. The pain is long gone, and so should the sadness or emotions that came with them; I can't hold onto everything bad that has happened to me forever, because if I did... Well, let's just say I don't think I would be doing much at all, let alone being sat here and talking to you. And I'm grateful for that. Being here and talking to you, that is."

Nate had to process all of that information for a moment or two:

Ray had obviously suffered previously in his life, and it upset Nate to think that he didn't know Ray as much as he thought he did; no one really knew Ray.

But it also upset Nate because he could tell just by the way that Ray was talking that Ray had accepted pain as a part of life. And while that's true, Nate gets the impression that the kind of pain Ray is on about is the kind that gives you nightmare for years after.

But there was something else in that little speech Ray gave and it was how Ray said that he didn't think he would be "doing much at all, let alone being sat here and talking to you." And that only brought up horrible thoughts and images that Nate wished couldn't even remotely possibly exist. But they could, and that was because Ray was hurt.

He was upset.

He was scared.

he was scarred.

And he was also the one man that Nate knew he would die for in a heartbeat.

Nate looked at Ray with pleading eyes, and said:

"Ray. Ray, look at me. I know things are tough, and I know you've been through a lot. But please, please! Always remember I'm here; I know I wasn't when you needed me then, but I'm here now. I'll get you through this, just like you helped me get through my darker times on this ship. I'm your friend, and I'll be damned if I didn't show it. So, would you please just stop shutting me out with that goddamn smile of yours and let me know that you aren't some kind of robot?" 

Ray looked at Nate, tears in his fearful eyes.

"Nate... I really want to. But I'm just so- I'm so damn scared! But, guess what? That isn't even something new! I'm always such a coward, and I hate it. I truly _hate_ it! All I seem to do is fuck things up, and I'm sick and tired of being the one to let you guys down! On nearly every mission we've been on I've done something wrong, and it always puts you in danger!-

-Look at the most recent example! I tried to help the  _enemy_ all because I couldn't deal with something as stupid as the guilt of knowing that maybe, just maybe, Nora could have changed. But she didn't. And I nearly got you guys-and other innocent people- injured. I don't blame you guys for not noticing that I had left. I wouldn't notice me either! And even if I had, I wouldn't care; it's better not having me and my stupid, weak emotions and over-sized heart in the way."

Ray looked at the floor, tears slowly spilling down his cheeks as he screamed at himself in his head for being exactly what everyone always thought of him: A cowardly, useless, annoying crybaby.

Ray really thought he couldn't get anymore ashamed of himself but, oh boy, how wrong he was.

Then all of a sudden he was pulled into a tight embrace, and could feel the dampness of warm tears hitting the bare-skin of his shoulder.

Nate was holding Ray in his arms, clutching the slightly taller man tightly to his chest, and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

It truly hurt Nate to see Ray like this; the guy was always so sweet and gentle and kind to everyone but himself, and now that Nate had a slight idea of what Ray might have been through it really stung.

Ray was kind to the world because it hadn't been kind to him, and yet here he was berating himself and saying that he was weak for having a heart.

Nate wasn't going to have any of that.

 

He pulled the two down so they were both lying on the bed, Ray with his head against Nate's chest, and Nate (yet again) holding Ray in a comfortable and equally as protective embrace.

_I could get used to this._

_But maybe I shouldn't._

_Just to be safe._

_**No.** _

_**Not today.** _

_**Ray needs me, so I'm going to be there.** _

_**Fuck you, world.** _

_**I love him, and nothing can stop that.** _

 

"I love you too." Ray whispered against Nate's chest.

"Wh-what? please tell me I didn't say any of that out loud." Nate stuttered, shocked at the sudden confession.

"No, but I'm pretty sure that's what happens if you're soulmates with someone. At least, if we're not soulmates then it means that there's some sort of mind reading do-hickey in here somewhere that lets me read your mind."

"H-how long?"

"Just these past five minutes. And must I say: it's quite nice to know that someone thinks so fondly of me. It really is."

"Shit."

"Hehe... yeah..." Ray trailed off, unsure of how to go about anything anymore.

But Nate apparently had an idea.

He looked down at Ray, and a sudden spark flickered in his eyes and reflected in Ray's.

Then, Nate brought Ray's face up slightly and kissed him.

It was a gentle, sweet kiss; like one in a cliche romance film. 

Nate loved cliche romances, but nothing could compare to his love for Ray.

When the two broke apart, Ray looked up at Nate with a small, tired but sincere smile.

 _Yup._ Nate thought. _Definitely gonna get used to this._ Then he gently kissed Ray's forehead, and waited patiently and lovingly until Ray was sound asleep once more.

No one bothered in waking the two up when they fell asleep together, wrapped up safely in each other's embrace.

But they did make fun of them, and Gideon was secretly fangirling that her new OTP was finally cannon.


End file.
